Beautiful

   I wish I could remember the last time the "Princesses" dined at my table. Had I realized what a fading privilege it was, I would have cooked something special...drawn out dinner a little longer and lingered over a yummy dessert. I would have memorized what they were wearing and how their crowns always sat a bit crooked upon their heads... How they laughed louder and talked bigger as a "princess". These days, the sightings are few and far between. The dress up clothes don't intrigue them like they used to and the "clip clops" have grown a size or two to small. Much to my surprise, I was thrilled to have caught a rare glimpse of one the other day.

Saddler stood in front of the full length mirror, unaware of my presence. Still as a statue, she gazed at her reflection and smiled her approval. She didn't move much. She just stood there taking in the beauty of the princess staring back at her. What she saw pleased her and her eyes shined proudly.
   "Wow. Don't you look pretty!" I exclaimed.
Without taking her eyes off herself she sweetly replied, "I know. I look beautiful."

Fighting the impulse to correct her for saying "i know" instead of "thank you", I just let her stay lost in the beauty and wonder of herself. Soon enough, those eyes that smile with approval will turn critical of what she sees in the mirror. And her grin will be replaced with a scowl. Her heart will be bombarded with lies and  self criticism will replace  self confidence. I want her to remember what it's like to feel beautiful. To feel content in how her Father has fearfully and wonderfully created her.

Her 1st Slumber Party

     She woke me up at the crack of dawn...dressed, smiling, wanting to know how many hours til the party. She began packing her bags at 7 am. Carefully she carried the hand written party invitation from room to room, retrieving each item on the list for a sleep over. A pillow-check. Toothbrush-check. Blanket-check. Toothpaste-huh? oh well, check. A bathing suit-check. And who could forget the pink polka dot sleeping bag. She was ready to go and the clock had not even struck 8:00. 

     All to early, I kissed my Prince goodbye as he hit the road for a quick business trip. The day loomed before me and I doubted if I would make it to the golden hour of 4 o'clock when the slumber party began. If I heard it once, I heard it 53,549 times-"how many minutes til we leave? Is it time? Why is the day going so slow?" I wondered the same. Finally, the time drew near and I realized that this was a milestone in her life I was about to miss. I had not prepared her. She's never spent the night away from home except with family. (Though she is extremely extroverted and a social butterfly, she's my most clingy child. She's my shadow. I literally step on her multiple times a day.)  What if she gets homesick? Ugh. I remember that dreaded feeling. I remember having a "tummy ache" or headache or any other ailment I could concoct to get back to my house. I started the pep talk making sure to cover all the important bases-be kind, use good manners, honor the Lord with your words, don't talk about others, build others up don't tear them down, serve your friends, obey.... She eagerly responded and I was proud of the little lady she's become. "Oh, and Ellie, if you get homesick and start missing us, I don't think I will be able to come get you. Dad's out of town. If you just think you can't stand it til morning, tell Mrs. K and call me."

Then she said something I hope I never forget. She said, "Don't worry mom. I am sure I will have a great time. And don't worry, if I do get homesick, I will just pray! Besides, I've gone through the whole house and memorized every room in case I miss home. And when I miss you and Daddy, I will just pray and God will be right there with me."

There are no words to describe how my heart felt....I realize this is just a sleep-over. She's literally 6 miles down the road with church/school friends. But to me, its a piece of my heart walking around outside of my body and I'm not used to this feeling yet. Today its her 1st slumber party, tomorrow she'll be leaving for college. And nothing would make me feel better about the whole situation than if she'd handle it like she handled today-"don't worry mom, I'll just pray."

May all my little chicks find comfort in the everlasting arms of their loving Father.

A New Name

We decided it was time for me to get back to blogging. After a long stretch of silence, I am glad to start up again~maybe this way I will remember something about my kids childhood! Upon trying to find my own blog, I googled "a quiver full" and to my horror  astonishment, I found that there is a whole movement/lifestyle widely known as the quiver full movement. Once I got over the shock of it all, it was really funny. I'll spare the details but it basically demonizes any form of birth control. Enough said. SOOOOOOO. I have a new blog name and address..."Its NUTS at the Sachs House."

And that it is -Nuts at our house and pretty much wherever we go. Like yesterday. I was a single mom for a few days and we were running out of milk and diapers fast. Our 2 yr old- affectionately known as the "Bud"- didn't get a nap. One child had gymnastics and another  had soccer. In the midst of the carting them from one destination to the other, I committed a cardinal sin of motherhood: The grocery store. All five animals precious lambs. At supper time. WHAT IN THE (insert explicative) WAS I THINKING?

The show started in the parking lot as the Bud  began crying and begging to ride in the "bye bye buggy" (one of those big honkin' grocery carts with steering wheels mounted on them for unruly children like mine). I hate 'em...its like pushing a train and I never fail to knock at least one display over. Not only that, but the baby's pumpkin seat won't fit which means we have to use 2 buggies. Jman and E started fighting over who would push the baby, Jeremiah stepped on Bruiser's flip-flopped clad feet with his cleats so then I had two wailing kids. The baby got startled so 3  there were screaming and I hadn't even gotten out of the parking lot. We made it to the door with me carrying Bruiser in one arm, pushing the baby in the buggy with the other, while J and E fought pushing the bye-bye buggy. I'm tired just thinking about it. 
We got inside Publix and they began the hungry whine...."Momma, we're STARVING. The least you could do is let us get a free cookie." Ugh. J ate his, E had hers-I told the other 2 they needed to wait til dinner. The Bud looked straight at me and shoved it in his mouth begging for more...nasty brown drool running down his chubby chin. We made it to isle 2 before he reached over yanked his sister's cookie out of her hands and crammed it in his mouth. More wailing. You should have seen the stares I got! As if we were a freak show or something. 

I was so done. To all the audience gawking at my fiasco, I just wanted to calmly say: "Yes,I've got my hands full. Yes, we could have our own basketball team. No, I am not babysitting any extra kids and Yes. I do know how "that" happens....
Pardon me? Do I realize my 2 yr old is standing up in the buggy? Why, yes, I do. And if I'm lucky he might fall and get knocked out (but not really hurt) for just about 5 minutes so I have won't have to hear him scream! Now leave me alone, kind Publix patrons!"

But I refrained. And that is all I want to remember about yesterday. Whew.

More Grace, Lord! More Grace!!!!

The Only Mother's Day Present I Ever Really Wanted Was To Be One...

And I got it. Five times over. (Nine, if you count my babies born straight into the arms of God.) This Mother's Day was different from the other eight I've celebrated for one reason. Perspective. I found something the other day that stopped me in my tracks. Amidst picking up the children's story books and stacking them on the hearth for what had to be the gazillionth time, an old journal tumbled out of the basket. The only entry was dated January 11, 2007. The ink on the paper was smudged with tears as I penned my grief over the loss of my "Granny" On and on I lamented over lost opportunities to glean from her wisdom, to ask her a question about sewing or even see her bounce my little ones on her knee. But one thing tightened my throat and stole my breath. The words read:

"Since she's been gone, I keep trying hard to remember conversations I had with her~things she taught me, the cooking, the sewing, the love for reading. One thing stands out in my mind clear as day- just after Jeremiah was born. I can still her her voice.Having had a stillborn herself, she knew the pain of miscarriage and the intense longing I'd had for a child. It was the weekend of Wes and Nicole's wedding...I was nursing Jeremiah and she was sitting right beside me on the hotel bed~smiling that beautiful smile and just marveling at the newborn babe in my arms. "I'm so glad you got your baby" ~And she was so happy for me. So very happy."

I read and re-read the entry. Tears rolling down my face and my heart full of thanksgiving for the legacy of mothers I have. I closed my journal and opened my heart. Opened my heart to embrace the trials and travails of this short, sweet season in my life. To look at this day as a Holy privilege and be thankful for each life the Lord has entrusted us with. To look past the sharpie on the wall, that new tube of lipstick now ruined, the mounds of laundry and dishes...To stop thinking of how many times a day I say the same thing over and over,  how they keep me from completing a task or my gosh-will bedtime ever come?! Today. Just for today, I resolved to soak up the moments to memorize the monotony, and to be thankful.

 That sounds really good, huh. Idealistic. It won't last...but today I'll celebrate this little victory. Of course Mother's Day couldn't be complete without lots of tears, attitude adjustments and a toilet clogged with a matchbox car wedged so tightly that the whole throne had to be dismantled. Ha! Just another day in the life that I love.

What a great day its been remembering the privilege of motherhood. Church was incredible-we had Communion (my favorite thing) then went for Thai food at the kids request. And I got the best gifts ever- An apron I've been wishing for from Anthropologie and a painting. What a sweet day.

Thank you, Father, for making all my dreams come true.

"We're not in Kansas, anymore ToTo!"

Things are pretty crazy around here...we have finally dried out from the monsoons and woke up to cooler weather today. I'm finding it harder to stay awake as I've hit the 3rd trimester and we don't even act like we have a baby coming in 11 weeks or less! Oh my. It'll all work out! School, friends and the kids extra-curricular activities keep us in a constant state of motion and the days fly by. I had a priceless moment with Saddler a few days ago and want to share it.
I had spent the morning running all over town with the resident celebrity of the day-"Dorothy!" She strolled through Target as proud as she could be in full costume....The precious Target workers all stopped to chat with Dorothy and some even inquired about Toto. You would have thought she was Miss America on the red carpet with her smile and wave....all the way through the entire store. The best part (besides the fact that its September and she's in her Halloween costume) is that she was singing Christmas Carols the whole time at the top of her off key little lungs! "Glo-orrr-oo-orrr-orr-ree ya! In-an-ex-a-de-yo!"
How about that for seizing the day and living life to the fullest?! Thank you, Saddler-a.k.a Dorothy-for giving us all a lesson in finding Joy wherever we are. I love your passion for life! And your ruby red slippers too:)

"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." ~John 10:10

Windows

Night has fallen and it's silent in the house. No sounds of feet running up and down stairs, no little voices calling out the last "Mommy pleases" before their eyes succumb to sleep. No, not this evening. It's unusually quiet...only the hum from the ceiling fan and the rhythmic breathing of their slumber can be heard. There is something different about tonight...there is almost a sacredness hanging in the air....sweet and tender and so peaceful I almost afraid to move.

I am at loss on how to capture it with words...I don't know if it's something human language can explain. It's more a conversation of the heart. Tonight, they gave me the privilege of catching a glimpse into their little souls. I am basking in the awe of having had the opportunity to peek through a window into their hearts....And it feels, well, Holy. Perhaps, that's just what it is. God the Father- through the power of the Spirit- slowing my busy mind and hands down enough to not miss this moment. Sadly, this is rare for me. There's always so much to do and bedtime routines are just one more thing to check off my list before I can have some time to myself. Tonight was different for reasons known only to Him and I am thankful.

It happened at the conclusion of our nightly Bible reading. There were no flashes of lightening or rolls of thunder...just little hearts wanting to share and a mother willing to listen. Our story was from Matthew when Jesus tells us not to worry about what we will eat or drink or what we will wear...is our worth not far more than that of the little sparrows??? And so the question I asked to all of us was "what do you worry about?" They each thought, and then answered. Ellie worries about bad dreams. Jeremiah worries when we aren't back from a "date" until late that something has happened to us and police put us in jail. Saddler worries that a bad guy will shoot her daddy with a gun and he won't be able to get home to get his sword to fight back with. Silly. Disturbing. Comical. Sad. Those words came to mind as each voiced their fears....far fetched worries yet legitimate in their minds.

"Mommy worries too," I tell them. I watch their curious eyes search me -waiting for me to go on.

"I have a hard time not worrying. I don't want to worry...I want to trust God more and grow in not having any worries. But I worry. I worry about you-that you might get hurt or very sick. I worry about Daddy while he travels-and I always worry that I am not being a good enough mom to you guys or that one day, you won't love God!" Carefully yet deliberately I chose my words. Careful, so as to spare them the details of the horrific fears I battle with when it comes to the thought of losing them or my husband. Deliberate in the fact that they have the right to see a flawed, sinful mother who seeks to cling to the cross as best I know how.

Their sweet faces tilt, and take in my words with deep compassion...they understand. We share that common bond. And then Jeremiah, my seeker of wisdom, asks what I do when I worry? Easy to say, hard to do-I simply answered, "PRAY." That became a springboard which plunged us into a deep conversation of taking thoughts captive, replacing them with good thoughts, saying a favorite verse over and over, or thinking about whatever it is that brings joy...for those are the things of God. Weapons in our hands to do battle in the war against worry.......

Our time closed in family prayer and the sweetest recitation of scripture my ears have ever heard. We are memorizing Psalm 139 and together, their precious voices raised boldly to proclaim:

"O Lord. You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up. You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my paths and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, Behold, O Lord! You know it altogether. You hem me in behind and before and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me! It is high, I cannot attain it."

Kisses and hugs were given all around and quiet fell upon the house. It's too rich to explain. I know how poorly I am doing at this attempt. But it's just to special to overlook in a hurry to catch the latest news.

I sought my favorite commentary sight preceptaustin.org for more thoughts from those verses to meditate on. This is what I found:

"...And art acquainted with all my ways." Thou art familiar with all I do; nothing is concealed from thee, nor surprising to thee, nor misunderstood by thee. Our paths may be habitual or accidental, open or secret, but with them all the Most Holy One is well acquainted. This should fill us with awe, so that we sin not; with courage, so that we fear not; with delight, so that we mourn not. ~Charles Spurgeon

To think that the God of the universe knows me, created me, feeds/clothes/provides/plans my days out for me even before the beginning of time.... This deity,God, is the one I call Father. Tonight, I rest in the truth that I am known intimately by Him, hemmed in by Him, and laid down under His watchful eye with His Hand upon me. That is an amazing thought to me and I am so thankful. Thankful for His love and thankful for the unexpected gift of having been given a window with which to see my children's souls.

Gleaning Wisdom

A friend introduced me to a new blog I am growing to love. You can find it in my blog list titled "In all Honesty". The author is Jean-an Australian mother of four and she is a deep well of wisdom. I read something she wrote the other day that has really stuck with me. In her post, she sites Tim Chester's book, You Can Change, as turning her life upside down. She says: "Every time I feel anxious, overwhelmed, discouraged or guilty. When I am tempted to value the praise of others over the praise of God. Or every time I am tempted to put my hope in possessions, pleasure or relationships...every time I am tempted to prove myself through my perfectionism, I turn to the 4G's."
The 4G's are the highlight Tim Chester's book. They are so good, I have to pass them along.
1. God is Great...so we don't have to be in control.
2. God is Glorious....so we don't have to fear others.
3. God is Good...so we don't have to look to ourselves.
4. God is Gracious....so we don't have to prove ourselves.

Every single sin begins with believing a Lie. I love how the kids' Jesus StoryBook Bible explains the origin of the fall. It all began with a lie and we still are suckers for it today...

As soon as the snake saw his chance, he slithered silently up to Eve. "Does God really love you?" the serpent whispered. "If he does, why won't he let you eat the nice, delicious, juicy fruit? Poor you, perhaps God doesn't want you to be happy."
The snake's words hissed into her ears and sunk down deep in her heart, like poison.....
Eve picked the fruit and ate some. And Adam ate some, too.
And a terrible lie came into the world. It would never leave. It would live on in every human heart, whispering to every one of God's children: "God doesn't love me."
*************************************

How true this is for me! I sin, because I believe my happiness can be found elsewhere instead of running to the cross. I worry, because I don't trust His goodness, His character and His Sovereignty. And I fall into despair because I doubt He really loves me and believe the lie that I am an orphan instead of a child of the King. So much grief could be avoided if I will learn to recognize the voice of the lie and turn to the truth of the Gospel.....What a great weapon these 4G's are for me...If only my pregnancy brain can retain them:)

I am thankful for the wisdom gleaned from Jean @inallhonesty. Check it out!