Still Re-forming.

The first week of school has come and gone and we have adopted a new schedule. More than ever, I feel the need to bring order into our little army...to bring some sort of structure to their days. With the baby coming and the reality that I'm drowning in laundry & housework and the fact that my children needing the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, we are hard at work around here! One of my mentors and one of the wisest women I know, always says:

"If you give your children more than they have the capacity to appreciate, you have done them a great disservice." ~Barbara Barker

[Mrs. Barker is a Godly woman who has 3 children and multiple grandchildren who know and walk closely with the Lord. I admire her so very much. Her father taught her this principle and she passed it on to a few of us who met with her for accountability. I have it written on a chalkboard in my kitchen as a constant reminder not to over-indulge them.] Well, I am guilty of over-indulging them and of underestimating their capacity. The result is not pretty. It may not reveal itself in the form of tantrum throwing brats in the store, but it does manifest itself in a "deserving mentality" way of thinking. When you shuck it all down...the root issue is the same. Therefore, we've had to re-form, make some changes around here and turn this train around.

I say all this as a reminder to myself that my goal at the end of the day isn't a clean house, perfect kids, and all laundry done and in its proper place. No. In the role God has placed me, my goal at the end of the day is to have been the best steward of my husband, my children and my house as I can possibly be. And mostly, I fail miserably at that every single day. I get it all wrong. My priorities get switched, goals go unattained, and I end up frustrated and tired. I am short-changing my husband and I am missing it with my kids. I have been given these amazing, kind, funny, respectful and very loving kids. But I have blown it when it comes to teaching them work ethic and personal responsibility. I have nagged and barked at them about cleaning up-and doing "chores" and walked away exasperated- just baffled at why they don't listen and obey. But I can't blame them. Until now, mostly chores or helping around the house has been this nebulous theory that is never carried out or followed through consistently. So. Let me say it again. I have failed big time in this area and for a couple of reasons. One, neither my husband or I are naturally "structured" people. We like to go with the flow and will never turn down an opportunity that sounds more "fun". So we are not consistent and that is key with kids from what they tell me. Second, its so much easier to just do the task myself than take the time to train them...encouraging and guiding them throughout the day! When I do it, its guaranteed to be done quicker and neater. It's a pain to teach, prod, and correct. And last, I really think the biggest reason why nothing's worked for us yet is because we haven't had a plan. Finally, after doing the logical thing and seeking the Lord in prayer about how to best lead our family, I am thankful to say we have a plan!!!! So far, all 8 days of it have worked. Ha! I am seriously praying Prov. 16:3~"Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established." Truth be told, without supernatural intervention from the Spirit, this will flop tomorrow. But, for now, we are on a schedule and reaping benefits I never dreamed of. This is what our typical day (without ballet, gymnastics and soccer) looks like.

DAILY SCHEDULE

6:45-Wake up! Eat breakfast

7:00-Make beds. Brush teeth. Get dressed

7:40-Load up! Off to school

1:00- Snack. Homework. Chores.

****Quiet time (read.color.puzzles.craft)****

3:00-Outside time/ Creative play if weather is yuck

4:00-T.V./Wii

5:00-Get ready for supper

****JURISDICTIONS******

5:30ish-Supper and Family Devotion

6:30-Baths and Bedtime Stories

7:30-Prayer and Lights out

Along with each day, we have worked in a time for 3 distinct areas of work. The first is what we call their "responsibilities". These are the everyday expected jobs/activities they are required to do...the non-negotiables. Most of these involve hygiene and basic responsibilities. For example: making beds, brushing teeth, taking vitamins, bringing dirty clothes to laundry, making sure homework/snack/clothes are laid out for school next morning. The goal is to foster initiative and to teach them to take person responsibility.

The next area are their "chores". Each of them have a few age-appropriate jobs to do. Most of their chores do not have to be done daily, but more on an "as-needed" basis. They were decided corporately at a family meeting as we asked each of them what they thought they were good at when it came to helping around the house. (This got our youngest daughter very enthused.) Some examples of chores are; for Jeremiah-collecting trash and taking it out, watering plants, bringing in groceries. Ellie unloads dishwasher, keeps the art cabinet organized (a personal strength of hers) and entertains the baby while I cook. Saddler cleans bathroom sinks (her favorite), wipes off stools or chairs and helps to sort laundry.

The final thing and a surprise hit for us is what we call "Jurisdictions". I divided the house up into 3 major problem areas and each area is known as a jurisdiciton. Each child is assigned a different jurisdiction and they rotate daily. There is the Front Room (entry way and formal living/dining) If this is their designated area, they gather shoes that seem to land by the door, collect toys and random papers and vacuum all downstairs. (This sounds like alot but its the easiest of the jurisdictions....our floors are hardwoods and they like to use the central vac.) Next, there is the Den/Family Room. Here, jobs include gathering toys to the toy basket, making sure everyones stuff is laid out and ready for tomorrow (nothing more than a verbal reminder to each other-more for the sake of them getting used to looking out for each other) and making sure floor is clear and ready to be vacuumed. Last, there's the Playroom. This one is always a doozie as it seems to get demolished daily. But, they pick up toys, put away DVDs/Wii and pick up dress up clothes. With the jurisdictions, we set the rules right off the bat, that when you are assigned that "area", you own it. Whether you got that toy out or not, you pick it up....no matter if those are your shoes or not, put them in the designated spot, and it doesn't take nearly as long when you don't waste time complaining! This was the hardest to sell to them at first, but we've had a few surprise blessings. One, they are more aware of putting things up right away instead of stringing stuff all over the house. Two, they know it's pay now or pay later and what goes around, comes around...the whole Golden Rule principle. And third, it has fostered a sense of team work among them. It is precious to hear them encourage one another and be more thoughtful of their brother or sister. It has already happened where one jursidiciton may have nothing or very little to do and so they are encouraged to go "bless" someone else by pitching in and helping them. The kindness is reciprocated. It been a joy to reap the benefits. For example, today, no one had anything to really "do" because they'd done it little by little all throughout the day and they felt SO much Pride!!! Also, by sticking to this schedule, our family time has been so enriched. When "Dad" gets home, we are ready for playing and laughing and sharing because all work is done. It is so much more peaceful for all of us. Thank you, LORD!!!!

Does this sound nuts? -Yes. I laugh every time I walk by the refrigerator where it's all posted. What are the chances we'll stick to it, especially next week when we have 3 extra-curricular activities on 3 different days?-Ummm. Chances are r-e-a-l slim without the Lord's grace and intervention, but we will roll with it and adjust as the need arises. Has it been as blissful as it sounds?-H to the E to the "L" no! The first 3 days were brutal. But I stuck to my guns, prayed constantly for grace, gentle words, a calm demeanor, and to follow through with firm repercussions if they veered off course. And like I said, I am still amazed at how well it has gone. Children are so impressionable. They adapt easily...they are much more accepting and flexible than I am. SOOOOOOOOO, there you have it. Reformation. It's working for us. And not because I am smart enough to come up with this on my own, but because I believe the Lord was faithful to answer my desperate pleas for wisdom and help when it came to bringing order to our chaos. Tonight, I am tired, but thankful and ready for tomorrow.......................