S.O.S.

OK, all my expert blogging friends. I really need help. What do I have to do to get my pictures to go where I want them and in the right direction? My mom is getting a cramp in her neck from always having to contort herself to see my sideways photos. And. Why in the world does it do it's own format thing??? Like leave all this blank space? H-E-L-P! Someone tutor me here before I embarrass myself further, lose my mind, or have to see my mother in a neck brace. Thanks a million:)

The Tutus

I have had a couple of questions regarding the tutus I made for Saddler's birthday party. You were so very sweet to inquire, so here is my attempt to re-post pics of the tutus and give you the super easy/super cute tutorial link I used! You can find great instructions at www.mommyblessings.com Look under the June 23 2009 for the no sew tutu. Hope this helps and I hope your little one enjoys them as much as mine did. Thanks again for asking! :)

Madness at McDonalds

Indoor playland!!!! Sounds fun, huh? NOPE. Not for me. These kinds of places are torture for a reforming germaphobe. Sometimes we end up there on desperate occasions. Last week was one of them. Let me recap my experience.



It was dreary outside and too hot to stay home. The air conditioner was broken. The natives were restless and I needed a coke. So we headed to Micky D's. It started off relatively smooth. My big kids have gotten good at knowing their "jobs" and sprang into action. Ellie held Jud's hand. Jeremiah carried food. Saddler gathered napkins and I fixed drinks. It was setting up to be a pretty successful outing. UNTIL. We entered the play area. As if the germs weren't enough of a party favor to take home, the noise in that place was deafening and my head was killing me. I sat and watched as all my little chicks played happily. They were exceptionally good that day. (Now at home, they fight like any siblings do, but in public they are a team and very protective of one another.) There was 1 family in particular that caught my attention. A brother and sister...all decked out in like pageant clothes and Sunday best, while mine were in their Target best! Ha! Although the pair was much younger, they kept taunting my kids but the mom didn't speak up so I kept quiet as well. (Maybe a good mother would've intervened but I decided it was good for my kids to learn to handle situations on their own.) She was busy polishing her Dolce&Gabana sunglasses and I was glancing at my blackberry when it all went down. Apparently, her kids blocked the the slide and wouldn't let my girls through. My girls continued to ask nicely if they could please get by- the little boy yelled something ugly at Ellie-the girl pushed baby Jud AND Bruiser had had enough! Yep-this is gonna get ugly, I thought as I laughed on the inside. That little girl shouldn't have gone there! Bruiser mowed over that kid yelling something about how nobody can hurt her baby brother or say mean stuff to her sister! Chaos ensued! (Someone should come up with a name for altercations like these for kids...its the age equivalent of a bar brawl!) "Great!" I thought... Now I have to apologize to Mrs. Dolce&Gabana and talk to her....and she's about as hospitable as her kids. We called for a truce and things settled a bit.
******deep sigh.******

Our conversation didn't start off great as she looked at me in a not-so-approving way and said. "Ugh.Just how many kids DO you have????" My flesh wanted to say like 12, but I smiled politely and answered her question. Am I surprised that a "gentle answer turned away wrath"? I preach it to my kids but got to practice it myself . She then asked if I was sure that I could handle another child. Again. I wanted to shoot back a smart remark but, praise God, His Spirit muzzled me and enabled me to again give her a gracious answer.

"You know," I said. "To be honest, no-I'm not sure I can handle another and on some days, I doubt my ability to handle the ones I've got. But I have a Heavenly Father who is so much bigger than me and He is the Rock I stand on when everything around me seems to fall apart."

She immediately softened and shared with me how she wished for more kids but her husband insisted on control/order/impeccable neatness at all times and kids just weren't conducive to that lifestyle. She had a ton of pressure on her. My heart felt compassion for her. Chunk the designer clothes and flawless appearance and she's just a mom trying to do the best she can... thrown and tossed about by the demands and expectations placed on her already weary shoulders. We talked for awhile about motherhood and how we should be a sisterhood yet sometimes act like "Mean Girls" all grown up. We talked about the promise in Prov 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe." I love the hidden gems in that verse. Name=God's character...the essence of who He is. Strong tower=a mighty haven;refuge; a hiding place. Safe=a sweet place of rest/a buffer from the storms of expectations and accusations...for there is No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.



Yes, kids will be kids, but I learned a lot that day...like how being "real" might not look pretty or be packaged neatly, but it draws hearts together like nothing else. I learned that when I lay aside my pride and quit worrying about my image it is then that God is most Glorified. And most surprisingly of all, I learned that it was possible to experience peace and quietness in my soul...even in the midst of the madness at McDonald's. Thank you Jesus.

Top Ten Reasons Not to Eat Sunday Brunch at the Country Club.

Well. Live and learn. Our company graciously provides Cord with a membership to the new Inverness Country Club for the purpose of entertaining recruits and other influential business men. It is such a blessing to be able to go swimming and other such things, yet intimidating for me....I am NOT a country club kid and still feel a hair outta place. Especially today as we had our first dining experience in the luxurious new Clubhouse. Consider these, lessons learned!

1. white linen table clothes are not like paper ones you can color on.
2. mashed potatoes do convert into projectile objects. Duck quick.
3. bacon can be laced together like a daisy chain to become a necklace.
4. magic carrots. They don't actually disappear-they just fit nicely down a bishop dress and into Dora the Explorer panties for the sake of earning dessert.
5. glass plates. break. when dropped.
6. key lime pie doubles as hair gel.
7. prime rib cooked very rare will cause your girls to scream at the sight of "blood" and even gag.
8. heavily starched napkins ain't like Bounty-the "quicker picker upper"
9.the floor to ceiling faux waterfall is not a good place to wash your hands.
10. you are required to sign your name and member number so that everyone knows who the dreadful family was with all the kids.

Yep. I came home a very humble woman.

"Enjoy this! You know not if you pass this way again...."

"Enjoy this! You know not if you pass this way again!" The words of Ann Voscamp echo in my heart. A wise exhortation to a me, a mother, who seems caught somewhere in between wishing for bedtimes to come quickly and the haunting guilt of regret that time has again slipped into history-forever irretrievable.

I've thought of this phrase alot lately...with our fifth baby on the way. (I would have never dreamed 10 years ago-in the throes of infertility and loss-that I would ever say that!) But as crazy as this sounds, I have to remember to enjoy every minute of this journey. Though our knowledge is limited, we believe that this will be the last time my belly will swell with life. "...i know not if I pass this way again...."

This is my 9th, yes 9th, time to be pregnant. I surprised even myself with the nonchalant way I responded to the news of this little one. Gone was the elated fanfare...the creative "reveal"....the surprise phone calls to family and friends...the jubilant celebration. No. This time was different for several reasons. One, because it was a total and complete surprise, so the shock factor has to weigh in somewhere! Second, there was obvious joy in our hearts but sadness as well. Both of our siblings longed for children and here we go again. How we wished we could move the hand of God ourselves to grant them heart's desire... Yet He alone is wise. He alone is Good. He is not slow in keeping His promises....The final reason things were different with this baby was the ugly word FEAR. Four times over my womb has failed me....proving to be a cave of death instead of a haven for life. Four times over we have mourned the loss of our little babies and eagerly wait to hold them in Heaven. "Has not the Lord poured out His blessing upon you now?" you might ask. The answer is yes! A thousand times over. But a mother never forgets... not for a second. There will forever be part of my heart that is not here, but in Heaven. And so fear hung in the backdrop of our joy like a storm cloud on a sunny day.

So many times I'd wished blogs were around when I rode the "pregnancy roller coaster". In some old journals somewhere are scattered entries of the intense feeling of joy at the news I would be a mother, contrasted with deep anxiety as I awaited the countless test results. (Would my numbers be ok? Did my progesterone dip? More shots? In the stomach-yikes...in the butt-by my husband???? Have you lost your minds???) O the waiting game!!!

Yes. I so wish I'd done better at keeping up with my feelings and emotions this go around. (heck. I'm just trying to keep up with the 4 wild Indians I've got running around me at home!) However. I remember the first ultrasound a few months ago. Cord was in Texas and I was alone. ****The last time I was ever alone for an ultrasound was not a good outcome. I'd learned early on to study the look on the nurse's face if I couldn't see the screen. Their expression says it all. And on that day, several years ago, it said enough. The image that had been bright with promise just one week before was no longer...and the flickering little light of our baby was now gone...replaced with darkness and emptiness. Death had again entered.

And so, for me, (fast forward to this baby) being alone again for an ultrasound was unnerving. To make matters worse, I was taken to the very exam room where the events I just described had happened so many years ago. (Like I said, a mother never forgets.) And so I waited. On that really cold table. Alone with my thoughts, prayers, and my Father. I had begun reading The Ragamuffin Gospel and the book literally feel open to this page-242. It was then that the baby being knit together in my womb was forever engraved onto my heart. Listen to what it says:

"The great spiritual battle begins-and never ends-with the reclaiming of our choseness. Long before any human being saw us, WE ARE SEEN BY GOD'S LOVING EYES. Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh, WE ARE HEARD BY OUR GOD WHO IS ALL EARS FOR US. Long before any person spoke to us in this world, WE ARE SPOKEN TO BY THE VOICE OF ETERNAL LOVE. Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time--our brief chronological existence--but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity."

--Henri J.M. Nouwen

I don't want to forget the profound significance those words had on me at that moment in time. I don't want to forget the way His Spirit seemed to fill every crevice of that room as if He were holding my hand as I watched and waited. I don't want to forget any piece of this story. ****

I went back to the doctor again today-a follow up visit from some complications they discovered with me (but that's another post for another day). The baby looked perfect! Every beat of that little heart was music to my ears and I pray it will beat hard and strong for Christ. I don't know what kind of story is being written by my Father for this little one, but I know that Jeremiah 29:11 is true-"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." And I also put my hope in Psalm 139:15-16 "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days ordained for me before even one of them came to be."

No. I know not if I pass this way again....so I will chose to enjoy it! Word by word. Page by page. Chapter by chapter. Isn't it thrilling to be part of HIS-story. And by the way, in case you didn't gather by the picture...its a boy!!!! :)

"I'm Running Away...."

she said...in her matter of fact way. Unsure of what set her off, I continued making sandwiches as everyone changed out of church clothes and waited for lunch. Dressed in her tinkerbell night gown, she set out closing the back door as she left. "Mom! Ellie's running away. Tell her she can't do that!" Jeremiah. My ever cautious first born watches anxiously out the window.

Evidently, there had been a disagreement of sorts over an old straw hat the neighbors gave the girls. Saddler had it. Ellie wanted it. And so a struggled began. A few minutes later, the door opens. She's back.

"I came back to get a snack. That's all. Then, I'm running away. I don't want to be part of this family anymore."

Cord laughed under his breath as I nonchalantly told her we loved her and we would sure miss her! Again, she closed the door calmly behind her as Jeremiah protested. He was half concerned and indignant that we didn't stop her while half perplexed at the irrationality of his little sis. We watched her meander around the yard for a few minutes before she was back.

"I'm not coming back, just so you know. I came to get my flip flops." she stated.

Jeremiah attempts to reason with her..."Ellie. You can't run away. Where are you gonna go anyhow?"

"I'm going to Disney World and I will live with the princesses in their castle. You can come visit when you want to see me."

"Ellie. How are you even gonna get there?" Jeremiah asked.

"I am gonna walk. How else do you think I would get there, Jeremiah?"

"Ellie, you can't just walk to Disney world. Its too far and the police will get you for walking on the busy road!"

"Well then I'll walk in the grass between the busy roads" she replied confidently.

"Then how will you eat if you don't have any money? You can't go to disney world without any money. They won't let you in. It's very expensive, Ellie." (he thinks he's got her here.)

"Fine. Then I'll take the money I am gonna get for my birthday. Mom, can I have one hundred dollars for my birthday. I need it now!"

"Ellie. You are just like the boy in our Bible story last night! He asked his dad for his money early and he ran away and you know what happened to him? He had to eat pigs food."

Mom. Ellie's being just like the brother in the Prodigal Son. (and you, my well meaning child, are beginning to resemble the elder brother.)

She left again amongst Jeremiah's arguments, Saddler's laughs, and our well-wishes. But only briefly. She was back....

"This time I only returned for a cell phone, "she said as we all cracked up! She even giggled at the silliness of her request. She decided she'd stay after that, so long as she didn't have to talk or look at Saddler. Ohhhh my. Seriously. A cell phone??? That's a new one!

My Ellie is so much like me. I want to run away too. All the time. The lyrics of a song by Sarah McLachlan says it well:

Spend all your time waiting

for that second to chance

For a break that'll make it ok.

There's always some reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day.

I need some distraction

Oh, beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

Let me be empty

Oh, and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight.....

Our pastor says it all the time-we are always looking for something to numb the pain. To drown out the monotony of life. Searching aimlessly for a way of escape . Something to dull the hurt and comfort the lonely places in our soul. We run to lots of different saviors....some are in the shape of a bottle, a pill, others in the form of something darker. And some even have pretty faces....relationships. Comfort. Shopping. Money. Identity. Success.... But there's only one place to really truly run away to. Only one Savior that can really ease the pain, grant purpose to life and comfort the soul. Jesus. I wish I didn't get so distracted when I'm running. I wish I always ran straight to Him. Sometimes, I tire from exhaustion and futility before I wind up in His arms. But oh how I pray that my steps will become quicker and more relentless in my pursuit of my Savior. And I pray that when my sweet children run away, they will learn to run straight to the cross.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

We've come a long way, baby!

7-4-09
We've had reason for much celebration during the last year or half of a year. Here is a look back....
Annual 4th of july celebration in Guntersville...nothing beats the Buck Island Bash and parade!

7-4-09
Family Portrait. My sweet sister and her husband David. My adorable nephew Tripp and all of our crew with "Milma". I couldn't love them more!

7-3-09

Jeremiah.
Can't believe that you-my first born baby -turned 8! For your actual birthday, we ate cake and you got to drive the boat across the lake to your favorite place to eat in Gville. The big party will be back home with all your boys at the Barons game!

6-04-09

Family beach trip with Honey and Papa, Sweety and Uncle Wes. Always a highlight!
Did I mention how much Jud hated the beach?? I tried all my hat tricks-blankets to sit on to keep sand off, lots of snacks, a wading pool just for him. Nope. Nothing worked. He hated it.

But oh the joy and wonder of discovering God's world throught the eyes of mischevious 18 month old. Judson, you were only still for aobut 3 seconds.

This takes my breath away. Am I looking at a glimpse of what you,my sweet Ellie, will look like at 13? Your fun loving social personality glows from the inside out.

Bruiser. They all say you are a spitting image of me, yet I do not see it. Free spirited and independent,
you were as happy as a clam as long as you had your "mermaids" in tow. Your fond affection for these mythical creatures keeps us all laughing.

Judson may have hated the beach but LOVED the pool! He couldn't get enough and he couldn't stand to be in a ring or life vest. He was determined to swim free and he did great! His mouth stayed wide open and full of his deep belly laugh!

Nightwalks on the beach with dad.....a highlight of vacation.

Ready for action! Jeremiah is the calm and the glue that holds the little people together. Always ready for adventure but constantly on look out for his sisters and brother. Look out ghost crabs! Here he comes!

5-17-09
Kindergarten graduation and the last day of first grade. Where did the year go? Didn't I just take this picture a few days ago....only they were inches smaller and had all their teeth. Suddenly time feels like its tumbling out of control. Can I freeze it for just a moment?

4=27=09
Our little ballerina. So proud to show off all of your new positions....you were unafraid and uninhibited at your recital-even instructing the teacher out loud in the middle of it for one last move you wanted to do. Ha! We are so very proud of your ambition!

4-26-09
We danced the year away....Ellie you were amazing in your routine. You even had a special little part! Your grace and elegance is evident even at 5 years old. How cute are you here with all your friends?

Easter
Easter. WE Froze! The wind coming off the lake during pictures was especially cold. This was the most decent shot we could get of the four of you. But you were sweet and thankful throughout the day as we celebrated our Savior!

March 2009
Booster or Bust! The only time you better ever wear a tatoo to school ;) You and Ellie were beside yourself with excitement. As your friends and school were fired up about the fundraiser, you 2 were fired up about the relationships you have with the Booster guys! Aren't they great? It was like a family reunion each day as they came to your classes. We love what God has entrusted to us (Booster) to use as a means of making a living and changing the world! CTW kids!

3-9-09
We celebrated 10 years! Wow! Ten years of marriage this march. Is it unrealistic to hope for 10 decades more??? Thank you, Cord, for showing me Christ through our "waltz" together. I love you. And, is it possible this trip was where our "souvenior" came from?

Feb. 2009
Does it get more redneck than this? Ever wondered how Southerners sled? We break out our rain gear and beach rafts and send our kids down the hill on a float! Ha! They loved it!!!!!

Jud, this wasn't your first rodeo. It snowed when you were only 3 weeks old. This time, however, you were old enough to enjoy it. You were fearless and enjoyed eatting it more than anything else!

Jeremiah looks more like a "where's waldo" book than a kid excited in our back yard. This was taken at the bottom of our yard where our property ends and the state park begins. I like to pretend its somewhere in the north pole.

Oh spring in the south! You never know what you're gonna get! Saddler decked out in rain gear, attempts a snow angel. BRRRRR!

How sweet were the looks on your little faces as you watched Miss Stephanie dance! This turned out to be such a fun birthday party! We celebrated a little late but at least we celebrated big! Saddler, you and your little friends were adorable in your tutus! What precious memories!

(somehow i just deleted these beautiful pics. oh well) It really was great!

Best party favors yet! These tutus were super easy to make and so cute! We let the girls pick one out as they came into the party and they didn't come off! Tons of fun!

We witnessed the beauty of love at the marriage of my grandaddy to our precious "miss Audrey" and we witnessed the beauty of covenantal love as our children were baptized...all in the same weekend. I will hold tightly to this day and the promise that He will be a God to me and my children and my children's children. How deep the Father's love for us!

Merry Christmas in July.? This would have been our Christmas card if I would have gotten around to getting one out. What a fun crazy 1/2 year this has been! You guys have grown and changed so much in these short months. Yes, there are days that cannot come to an end fast enough. But as I said earlier, the need and drive to hold onto the moments while I can is proving futile as you slip away little by little each day. You all are my treasures! And yes, there is plenty of room in my heart and in our home for our new baby brother or sister! Won't it be fun this Christmas???? We will offically have a hand-full.:)

**disclaimer**

I've had a lot to catch up on. My original intent for this blog was to be a scrapbook/journal of memories for my kids and to keep out of town family and friends caught up with our chaos. For some reason, I decided tonight would be the night for catch up. So. This was my attempt at a brief recap of our lives since Christmas. HA. Enjoy. Life is such an adventure!

Eph 3:16-20