(Wow. It's been so long I don't know if I remember how to post!)
My mind is still foggy as I am recovering from walking pnuemonia....but some funny comments have transpired around me as I'd lost my voice for a week. Saddler's loving it.
While Cord was out of town the other day, I made my way to McDonalds after dropping of the older kids at school. I realized as I sat in the drive thru with cars piled behind me that there was no way the sweet Mexican could hear me whispering through the speaker.
"Hurry, quick, Saddler! Unbuckle and come get in my lap and say everything I tell you LOUDLY."She eagerly clamored into the front with me.
"Say, one small coffee." (she whispers mimicking me.) Louder Saddler. "ONE SMALL COFFEE!" she yells.
"Cream and sugar?" we're asked in broken english. "OH YES! Cream and Sugar." she yells back. Will that be all? Say No loudly again my sweet girl....Now say one small coke please. "And a Coke!!!" she yells. "Please!" (the poor lady thinks she's the victim of a bad joke) Saddler then decides she wants pancakes and sausage. What the heck.
"Please pull around with money ready...." WAIT! Yells Saddler. I need something else.!
Ok. Say one hot cake with sausage. "Not cakes and not sausage." she yells. No no no. its "hotcakes" means pancakes. Say Hot cakes with sausage. "Pancakes with lots of sausage please" she's getting it now. The lady is so confused. It went down hill quick from here. No prompting. No warning. Next thing I know my child is yelling out: "and a yo-gret. and a cheeseburger. and a happy meal. and a chicken nuggets and french fries.....and...."
My feeble attempts to hush her didn't work. I shoved my hand over her mouth and wheeled around to the window. Only after she was buckled in, of course.
Saddler: "Mom. Is your sound broke? How come I can't hear you....when are you gonna find the "boice" you lost? I like it when you can't talk so I can get stuff at McDonalds. Can we get chick-fil-a for lunch?"
It's been a long week. If I had a dollar for every time I've been thrown up on since Sunday, I'd take myself straight over to Rose's Nails and get the best spa pedicure money could buy. Unfortunately, the only thing I have to show from my week as a nurse/janitor are some really dry, raw hands from all the washing/ hand gel/ antibacterial soap, and disinfecting I've been doing. Obsessively. I seriously think you can smell the Lysol from the road in front of our house. We've officially burnt a hole right in the ozone above double oak lane. Sorry.
I am tired. My body and soul are tired. It's Valentine's week...the week we celebrate LOVE and I'm not feeling it. Sad. This is one of my favorite holidays and I have as much fun as the kids doing crafts, making goodies. Not so much this year. We opened the Sachs' Infirmary Sunday and it's been five straight days of throw up around here. I'm surprised my washer and dryer haven't blown up, though I did blow a fuse.
I've had a little extra time on my hands during midnight shifts with sick babies....spent lots of time of praying. Reflecting. Thinking of Valentine Days long past...My first known loves-my parents always sent me flowers all the way til my wedding day. Thanks mom and dad!
I thought of funny experiences like hiding from a boy in 9th grade because he'd bought me roses. HA! I didn't like him and in my awkward, young teen way, decided the best option was to hide. In the dark. On the floor of the balcony at First Baptist Church with my best friend Courtney. (Aren't some of your best memories of growing up forged alongside of your childhood friends? She was more a sister than friend...irreplaceable.) Anyway, sprawled on the dark cold floor was the quickest thing that came to our minds. I guess we figured if he couldn't find me-he couldn't give me roses and I would avoid the whole embarrassing situation. (It was disastrous. Another post for another time.)
I thought of sweet memories...my first V-day dating my husband. All he gave me was a card that said "I'm so glad you're My Best friend." Kidd you not! Not my idea of romance then, but really, it was a beautiful picture of love. It took great restraint for a man to bridle his affections for the woman he loved. He was ardent in his quest to hold me in highest esteem ....fiercely guarding my heart....He waited until he was certain God was leading him to marry me before he kissed me! His purity has been a most treasured gift to me. We've spent 10 more Valentine's together since then. I grow more enamored with him every day and still ever "so glad he's my best friend".
Fresh memories....I have 4 new loves, little valentines -if you will- that look just like my prince and I. They have taught me more about love than I thought possible, stretched me beyond my limits and enlarged my heart a billion times its size! A mother's love is a powerful thing.
But tonight, and these past several nights as Cord has been away and the children have been so sick, I am remembering constant, steadfast, unfailing LOVE. Not love the emotion but Love the Person. God the Father, who set out on His rescue mission for His children 100s of decades ago. And Jesus the Son who left His throne and all the Glory of Heaven to lay down His life for me. Love poured forth from His wounds~ the red blood covered me~ washing me that I may be whiter than snow........
SO. On this tired, sickly Valentine's evening, I rest content with the "loves" of my life and in THE LOVE that will never let me go. Thank you Father for unconditional love.
O love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer fuller be.
O light that foll'west all my way,
I yield my flick'ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
Want to hear something funny? So I posted about my loathed new "my space" account yesterday and how next thing I knew some guy named Tom left me a message. Well, I don't know any Tom's and I sure the heck don't know what it means to have a message. As I was sharing this with my good friend Katy today, she started laughing and in a very gracious way, gently said
"Um, Heather, do you even know who Tom is?"
In much disgust I said NO! Just some random guy.
She then informed me he was the creator of My space and it was standard for everyone to get a message from him.
OH.
I really should get with the times.
OK. So I will be the first to admit I really am behind the times when it comes to the new social networks. Chalk it up to my poor Mississippi public education, but if you took typing or computers, you were just not cool at our school. (Wait! Notice i said my school, not yours...you were probably light years ahead in curriculum.) For computers, you even had to leave the main building and go to the far end of the campus to the "trade building" for people not planning on furthering their education in a University. Didn't sound like fun to me. Needless to say, it has been much to my demise that I didn't take advantage of such classes in high school or college. I now get the pleasure of watching like a deer in head lights as people all around me navigate the web, speak a language I can't decipher,count their friends and work connections.....even my grandfather is ahead of me here. My Grandfather. Nice.
So what's the dilemma? The dilemma is that I have fought this tooth and nail for the last few years. I have stood up to peer pressure, resisted the most persuasive arguments and held fast. Until now. What pushed me over the edge?? A blog. It's all because of a blog. Cord and I are huge fans of Mat Kearney and love to hear the inspiration behind his songs....but to be privy to that means I have to have a my space account. Another favorite is Brennan Manning. Such a talented writer and much of his work has had a great impact on my life. Want to read his blog? Join my space. ***sigh***
So I did it. I now have a my space account I know nothing about. And I have that same feeling i did as I drove our shiny new minivan off the lot. What in the world. Never say never. Next thing I knew, I had a direct pass into these much sought after blogs and some guy named "Tom" sends me a message. And I don't even know what that means. But here's the thing and this is my question. How will this enhance my life? How will this hinder me? What are the pros and cons? I would really love to hear from you on the topic.
This is my issue with the whole FB/myspace thing. There are enough responsibilities and privileges pulling me in a million pieces do I really need one more distraction? One more reason to draw me away from my work, my mothering, my walk with the Lord? I mean, let me be real honest, it would be much more enticing to get out of the bed to see check if I had a "friend or whatever" than read God's word. I hate it, but its true. Do I want to open myself up to a host of potential issues? It is Pandora's box to me. Yall, I so would be one of those people who felt great when I had a friend and would feel like a loser when comparing my amount of friends to someone elses. Does this make sense. Any of you feel me here? If so, how do balance it? I don't know girls, I am not feeling great about it. I am much to prone to look to the approval of men to find my significance than to the King who delights over me with singing. Would it tempt me to "put that mask" back on that I have worked so hard to keep ripped off. ?
In Brennan Manning's book Abba's Child, he says that every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self.....an "impostor" as he refers to it.
"The impostor demands to be noticed. His craving for compliments energizes his futile quest for carnal satisfaction.....
"Impostors are preoccupied with acceptance and approval."
"Impostors draw their identity not only from achievements but from interpersonal relationships. They want to stand well with people of prominence because that enhances a persons resume and sense of self worth."
On the contrary, he goes onto explain that "sanctity lies in discovering my true self, moving toward it, and living out of it."
"While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements and the adulation of others, the true self claims identity in its belovedness....Define yourself radically as one BELOVED by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life."
***Do I really want to tempt the impostor to take over? Would my self worth be defined by something other than the fact that I am beloved by my Father?? What would be more important to me? Deep thoughts, i know. Real struggles. I'm a sucker. BUT. I love the quote "without your wounds where would His power be?" In the book The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen teaches us "that grace and healing are communicated through the Vulnerability of men and women who have been fractured and heartbroken by life. In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve."
How I desperately want to serve my King. Authentically. With an undivided heart.
What would you do if you were me? Get on the FB/Space bandwagon, or keep my hand to the plow as I am. Need some input. I know sooooo many good things have come from these networks....how do you balance it. Do you ever regret becoming involved? Help.
What's a girl to do? Oh, what's a girl to do.........?
Heather
Jeremiah's teeth have been bothering him. We've been saving since his 1st birthday for braces, so i chalked it up to the shifting teeth coming in and going out of his mouth. I got suspicious when it hurt him to eat. A closer look, the problem was evident....a dark spot on a back molar. Yuck...a cavity. The poor kid was born with bad teeth! Enamel didn't form properly and what little was there, was damaged by lots of antibiotics as a toddler. Therefore, his teeth are very soft and prone to decay regardless of how well he brushes.
I called a new dentist who graciously worked us in. Since we're in a different part of town, I decided to try someone closer to us. New place, new face, a little uncertainty for my big guy. After a small hour and a half wait, we saw the dentist. I could tell from the x-rays that it looked bad. The cavity had gone incognito....decay running rampant under a tooth sealed with white filling. On the outside it looked ok. The inside was being eaten alive. Next to that bad tooth was another problem and like the first, the offense was taking place under the gum line. His 6 yr. molar (a permanent tooth) had positioned itself sideways and was coming in at an angel. As it moved closer to breaking through, it was eroding the roots of the baby molar next to it....2 of 3 roots gone and nerve almost exposed. The Dentist said he should do an emergency extraction of the teeth since they were damaged and would eventually fall out anyway. I took a deep breath. OK. The dentist and nurses began hustling around asking all sorts of questions about anesthesia, drug allergies, when was the last time he ate....Whoa. "So, I will just schedule a time to come back tomorrow?" (after all, it was now six p.m.) "No mam, we're gonna get this bad boy out now before it abscesses." Gulp. Wow. Ok, well, here goes nothing.
"J-man. Do you understand what's going on?" I asked. "Umhmm. My tooth has a cavity and he needs to clean the bad part up. My tooth needs to get fixed now, right Momma? "
"Yeah, buddy. But to fix it, they are gonna take it out so that it won't hurt you anymore. And they are going to take it out in just a minute. Can you be brave for me?"
"Sure. But why can't he just clean it and put a filling in it?" he offered.
"Because it's too sick. It's rotten on the inside and another tooth is pushing on it. The dentist will pull it out for you."
"Ok. But will it hurt?" "
"yes, I'm afraid it will hurt a little. But I will be right here and I will be praying for you to be tough." I said. How I hate to see my kids hurt. Even more, I hate to see them afraid.
Tentatively, we walked to a more specialized room, hooked him up to some gas and began the local anesthesia. When those big honking shots came out, I got a bit weak kneed! Thankfully, the nurse called me out to sign something. Since when did I become such a wuss??!!! I mean, I dream of being a nurse! I love to watch gross medical shows on TLC and Discovery. What in the world is wrong with me? It's just a little blood from teeth being pulled. But it wasn't that it was just a little blood....it was HIS BLOOD...my son's blood. And it was my baby in that chair whimpering in pain. OHHHH, Heather Sachs! You better suck it up and get your rear end back in that room. Now put your big-girl panties on and deal with this!!!!!
I rushed to his side and grabbed his hand from the nurses. He was moaning in pain. "Here. Grab my hand, Jeremiah. Squeeze me as tight as you can when it hurts." (well, maybe not that hard) Do you want me to say a verse for you??? "Yes! NOW!" he muttered. OK. Phil 4:13
"You can do all things through Christ who makes you strong." Prov. 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong-tower. The righteous run to it and they are safe." On and on we went until it was over. And I sighed with relief.
"OW. Ow. It still hurts, mama." I know, son. I know. But you were so brave and it's over now! I am so very proud of you. God was right here with us even in the pain, Jeremiah.
"I wish they didn't have to hurt me." I know. But it was the only way. It looked normal on the outside except for a little spot, but inside it was eaten with decay. It had to be taken out completely.
"You know what, momma. It's kinda like sin. It's ugly and it makes you feel bad." You're exactly right, Jeremiah! It is like sin. We can look ok and perform ok, but we are dying on the inside because the sin is eating our hearts away. And it took a lot of hurt. A whole lot of hurt to get rid of it. It took God sending His only Son Jesus, to die in our place for our sin. That hurt God and Jesus an awful lot. He took the pain so we didn't have to pay for our sin.
"I am glad God loves us that much." Me too, buddy. Me too. "Momma. Does this mean the tooth fairy comes tonight?" (oopps! GASP!) Yes, it sure does! (what in the world! I have no cash. I've got to start keeping some for these situations. Gosh, you'd think we'd learn....exhibit A "confessions of a rookie tooth fairy)
With a half grin, and a mouth packed with bloody gauze, we went on our way. The pain hung around for a while. And in the midst of it, he came and hugged me. He. Thanked. Me. My child, there hugging and thanking me for taking him to the dentist.
I wish I could thank my Father in the midst of my pain. Trusting Him with blind abandon that He knows what He's doing even though it hurts bad. Resting, not resisting the Almighty God I call Father and His Son who calls me His friend. Yes. I hope one day, I will learn to be thankful even for the pain.
"For without the shedding of blood, there can be no forgiveness of sins." ~Hebrews 9:22 " God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain...."~ C.S. Lewis
